I get it. Babymetal are cute. Babymetal are catchy. Babymetal are Japanese. Babymetal are the best idea since gravity. There is literally nothing wrong with Babymetal and if you don't like them, you're just a greasy grumpy elitist who doesn't know how to have fun since you never leave your mom's basement because Babymetal are fun. Why can't you have fun!? You must like Babymetal. Babymetal are one of the best metal bands in existence. Babymetal are the only real metal band in existence. Babymetal.
Back in 2013, the internet got in a stir over a certain J-pop act named Babymetal, who, despite later confirming they had no idea what it was, used a decent amount of generic melodeath/NWOBHM guitar lines in their music and happened to have a heavier backing band than one would normally find in a J-pop girl group. Now, normally, people would chuckle a little, roll their eyes at the now-so-characteristic "Japaneseness" of the spectacle, and move on with their lives. But regrettably, that's not entirely what happened. Well, not at all.
The past year has seen an explosion of hype surrounding this act. They opened for Metallica at Heavy Montreal a few weeks back, and have every yellow-fever-stricken weeaboo absolutely gushing unending praise, citing the same hackneyed argument: "Only metal elitists could dislike this!" Well, I'm far from a metal elitist, and while I don't find the band's music that tantalizing (always was more of a K-pop dude), Babymetal fans, between their superiority complexes over liking something as stupid as a J-pop band and their inability to make a good argument, are insufferable.
A few months back, I wrote a post condemning the unfair hype Sunbather garnered last year. In it, I criticized the insistence that disliking the album made you an ELITIST who didn't want to see metal move in a less traditional direction, as well as retrospectively noting that the music was nothing special. With Babymetal, I see the exact same series of events.
1. Band uses accessory metal elements to appeal to a broader audience.
2. Band is hailed as 'visionary'.
3. Everyone points fingers at a "metal elitist" strawman who does the unthinkable and has a differing opinion.
Except, somehow, the Babymetal hype is even worse. Vince of MetalSucks blathered about how the music is "incredibly complicated" in a masturbatory post calling them "the best thing to happen to metal in the last decade". The convenient fact that Babymetal is comprised of three girls has unleashed the social justice wolves on the band's detractors with cries of 'misogyny' (Never mind they probably call Butcher Babies 'boob metal'), and NPR even compared them to Oranssi Pazuzu. Sunbather bandwagoners, while still insistent it was the "dawn of a new age of black metal", had the added limitation of being fans of a niche genre (read: hipsters). Babymetal, because of their listenability and spread mostly via YouTube as an internet meme, have developed an insane penetrance and just as many loudmouthed fans.
But beyond that, Babymetal fans use almost exactly the same arguments as Sunbather proponents did last year. In fact, they're so interchangeable I made a chart (click to enlarge):
Now, let's get one thing straight: there are good aspects of Babymetal's huge exposure. Namely, it will definitely cause a surge of interest in Japan's thriving heavy metal scene, which contains some absolutely amazing acts like the serial-killer-obsessed doom band Church of Misery or the unrestrained insanity of Sigh, whose ridiculous compositions give Deathspell Omega a run for their money. Just as well, maybe more people will get into metal now, etc.
But at the end of the day, Babymetal is purely a corporate gimmick - the band didn't even know what metal was when they started out, so I'll be damned if they know who Slayer are. And their fans, like all other fans of gimmicks in metal, hurt more than help with their blind refusal to see it as one. So, with all due respect to Babymetal, fuck Babymetal fans.
