Jack. White. Say the name and people around the world start salivating. The words 'best guitarist of the year' spring to their lips and the entire community has a collective intake of breath. One by one, music magazines have given his new album Blunderbuss a thumbs-up - Pitchfork, AP, Rolling Stones...no one can seem to find a grievous fault with the ex-guitarist of husband-and-wife duo The White Stripes. White is by no means a newcomer to fame - he was featured alongside the legendary Jimmy Page in 'It Might Get Loud', and his career with ex-wife Meg White in The White Stripes only came after his role in now-famous bands like the Raconteurs and the Dead Weather. White is currently touring in support of Blunderbuss, and will probably continue for the rest of the summer. Now, by no means am I qualified to talk about the genre White classifies himself as - namely alternative rock - as, if that's not evident enough, I am a die hard metalhead raised on Led Zep and in the throes of Born of Osiris' new record (look for a summary on Monday). So when someone like Jack White appears, and is suddenly heralded as an icon of modern rock, this sparks my interest. So, on my friend's insistence, and borrowing his copy of Blunderbuss, I decided to give the album a listen to.
I had dabbled briefly in the White Stripes a few years ago, and been moderately unimpressed with their sound. The band's sound was minimalist, and extremely simplistic. They lacked energy and the ability to write fun riffs, relying completely on catchy rhythm. While this was appealing to some, I found the White Stripes, with the exception of one song (I believe it was 'Blue Orchid'), to be remarkably and utterly 'meh', as I eloquently put it at the time.
So it was with this idea that I entered Blunderbuss. Considering White's lack of imagination as part of TWS, I expected Blunderbuss to be more of the same. And...it wasn't really. It was even worse.
The album is an anemic romp through blues-y riffs that would make any decent blues guitarist shake their head. White's few forays into 'heaviness' (Apparently distortion is a dirty word) feature little to no innovation - three bar chords? We're looking at a visionary here - and he resolutely refuses to change melody for the most part. Blunderbuss has the feel of a garage rock band gone awfully wrong - like Pavement if you sucked all the fun out of it. Repetition is the name of the game. Blunderbuss was, quite simply, a chore to get through. 'Sixteen Saltines' is remotely catchy, but in the same way a song you'd hear on the radio is - the beat is so simplistic that it's impossible to forget. Riffs are seven quarter notes that repeat continuously at their most complex. What a visionary we have here.
And over everything is his annoying falsetto. I listen to a fair amount of post-hardcore, which features high vocals as a staple, so I'm fairly used to high male voices, but White's voice is just grating. It feels like he's stinging my ears when he sings, and he barks things out annoyingly when he doesn't.
But let's not forget the staple of any guitarist - solos. White's pathetic fifteen-second licks (they aren't even solos) are playable by a ten-year old who can't reach the lowest strings. It's completely inoffensive and completely untechnical. Like any alternative rock musician, the focus is understandably on lyrics and vocals, and I'd be fine with that, but White calls himself a guitarist. There is so many things wrong with that because, foremostly, you elevate yourself to a new ring of judgement.
Suddenly, you're not in the same arena as The Black Keys or Deathcab for Cutie, you're going up against virtuosos like Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, and Eric Clapton. And that's where White gets curbstomped. White's innocuous little riffs and licks start being matched by the unmitigated ridiculousness of Paul Gilbert and Yngwie Malmsteen. Listen to anything on Blunderbuss and then listen to Vai's 'Bad Horsie' and you'll see. His self-designation as a 'guitarist' makes him a complete poser, and ultimately he's the Adam Levine of guitarists - a prettyboy who makes palatable music and gets so much attention because of that. There's no technical prowess or ability beyond a jock sitting on a quad with a $20 guitar.
But, for a moment, let's pretend White is an actual guitarist. Let's pretend that some of the tracks on Blunderbuss actually feature his guitarwork in a prominent way. Let's look at the gear White uses, since that's always interesting.
White uses Gretsch guitars and a 1968 Telecaster (Source: http://www.uberproaudio.com/who-plays-what/118-jack-whites-guitar-gear-rig-and-equipment). Where do I even begin.
Let's ignore that he has his pedals custom painted. Gretsch guitars, for the uninitiated, are the Rolls Royce of guitars. They're expensive as all hell, look pretty, but otherwise are completely indistinguishable, and in some cases worse, than the staples of the guitar world - a Gretsch plays about as well as a solid Gibson SG or Fender American Standard. So right away, we see White has an eye for the name.
And now onto the Telecaster. Telecasters have one pickup. Seriously? For someone whose instrumentals are supposed to be a selling point, that's a lot of variety you've got there, buddy. What, was a Stratocaster too 'mainstream' for you? Good lord.
Looking back, I really should not be surprised. Easy-to-listen music will be popular no matter when, but if Jack White is an eminent guitarist, then I'm The Edge. He's not 'edgy', he's not even remotely talented, and I can't begin to fathom why he's getting all this press. He deserves congratulations for turning high school sound into a career, and for being a decent songwriter, but in all things actually musical, he lacks prowess, appealing to the ignorant and the easily amused. I'll let Dave Mustaine convey my thoughts in abbreviated form below:
No comments:
Post a Comment